


Saying We Did

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: Law & Order
Genre: Angst, Drama, Episode: s20e09 For the Defense, F/M, Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-10
Updated: 2010-09-10
Packaged: 2018-06-10 04:58:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6940789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“The whole point of a Pandora’s Box is once it’s opened, it can't be closed again.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Saying We Did

**Author's Note:**

> They've been going in my head a lot lately. And I finally saw For the Defense. Was it the epiphany I thought it would be? No. But that doesnt matter because it was still good and it helped me write this. It's not perfect but sometimes, usually, it just isnt. Getting into Mike Cutter's head is hard enough, if I needed perfect I'd never write anything.

“I'm done.” Connie pushed away the papers, disgusted.

“Connie…”

“I can't look at another motion or another case file. I cannot eat anymore damn Chinese food. I just can't do it.” She got up and walked away from the desk. It was late, almost midnight, and this was day three of the Marcus Woll appeals. Jack hadn't been kidding around when he said day and night. The few hours of sleep she was managing to get were filled with weird dreams. Like acid trips Connie would dream about being intimate with Marcus laced with dead bodies, intimidated witnesses, and riveted juries.

She dreamed that she was indicted along with him. She dreamed about being given the death penalty and Mike flipping the switch on her electric chair. She dreamed of a bloody tug of war with each man walking away with half of her and a pool of blood being all that remained. Yeah, that wasn’t one of her favorites. “Can we just call it a night?”

“We should at least finish Peterson?”

“Can we not and say we did?”

“What?” Mike had an almost whimsical look on his face when he stared at her.

“Nevermind,” Connie waved her hand. “It’s just something Lupo said the other day that made me laugh. Forget it.”

“I could use a laugh…what did he say?”

“It’s a long story; forget it.”

“OK.”

He nodded but she saw the look in his eye change. He was building up the Cutter walls again. It was probably for the best anyway. Actually, Connie didn’t know what was for the best right now. She just knew she needed to get out of there. She needed to take a long walk.

Walking in the city was one of her favorite things to do. It helped her think, calmed her nerves, and brought her peace and solace. She loved going from neighborhood to neighborhood; different universes in just a few blocks. She loved seeing the college students, stiffs in suits, blue collar workers, hookers, and cab drivers all mingling in one world. She heard so many different conversations, in a million languages, just on the walk from here to her apartment. Losing herself in the lives of everyone else, even for an hour or two, was just what Connie needed right now.

“Let’s take a walk.” She said.

“What?”

“Stop saying that, Mike. Let’s take a walk.”

“Where?” he stood from his desk.

“I don't know but there's a bodega about six blocks from here. It’s open all night. I could use some Twizzlers.”

“You want to go out for Twizzlers at 11:42pm?”

“I wanna take a walk. The candy is just an added bonus.” Connie replied.

He didn’t say anything for a while, just stood behind his desk. His hand was still gripping his baseball. He’d been throwing it in the air, catching it in his mitt, and he knew that drove her crazy. Connie didn’t call him on it once tonight.

Maybe she thought she deserved the torture as penance for her sins. Mike was still trying to find a million ways to say a million things to her. The Marcus Woll incident made the list even longer. Soon it would grow to the point of not even bothering. He didn’t want that to happen.

“I’ll go on one condition.” He said.

“I don’t want any conditions…I can just go alone.”

“You want to be deprived of the opportunity of buying me a Dr. Pepper?”

“How do you drink that stuff?” She asked, the smile in her voice not quite making it to her lips. “I heard the secret ingredient was prune juice.”

“Well, there are some who think I’m full of shit. I really need a Dr. Pepper and the machine is out. We might be here awhile; we should get comfortable.”

“I’ll get my coat.”

Connie walked out of the room and Mike’s eyes followed her. She was so close to crumbling; he knew that. She needed some time off, time to sweep this back under a rug or whatever she did to hide the things that she didn’t want to face anymore. Sighing, he grabbed his coat off the hook and went out into the hallway. Connie had her coat on her arm and was reading a message on her Blackberry.

“Is everything OK?” He asked.

“It’s Lupo, he just wanted to let me know he was thinking about me and everything was going to be alright. You know he's been there, done that.”

“The situation was a little different.”

“Still, it’s nice to know someone knows the feeling.”

What was he supposed to say to that? She put on her coat, starting toward the elevator and Mike followed. The ride down was silent. They signed out but Connie told security they were just going for a walk.

“It's pretty cold out there, Ms. Rubirosa, you better bundle up.”

“Thanks.”

She and Mike walked out together. It was windy, and Connie wished she’d brought her scarf down with her. She could only smile as she and Mike started down the steps and he handed over his own.

“Now you’ll be cold.” She said.

“I’ll live.”

“Thanks.” Connie tried to wrap it around her but the wind was blowing. They stopped at the bottom and Mike helped. He got it around her neck, pulling her hair from under it. Wrapping it around twice, it was long, he then stuffed it into her peacoat.

“How's that?” he asked.

“It’s nice and warm. Are you sure you'll be OK?”

“If I catch cold, you can make me chicken soup.”

His joke fell a little flat but she managed a little smile as they started on their walk. It was late but people were out and about. It was Manhattan after all; the city never slept.

“I’m sorry you got stuck with all of this.” She said, taking a moment to glance at him as they waited for a red light.

“It’s my job.” Mike took gentle hold of her elbow and helped her jaywalk. “We’ll get it taken care of and back into the Pandora’s Box where it belongs.”

“The whole point of a Pandora’s Box is once it’s opened, it can't be closed again.”

Mike nodded. They'd been through enough recently. They didn’t need this too…she didn’t need it. What happened with Woll was dumb but good people did dumb things all the time. He was certainly not immune to it. But Connie made that phone call and he knew what that was doing to her. Mike wished there was something he could do to make it better.

“I feel the need to defend your honor.” He said. “I feel the need to beat the crap out of that guy.”

“I don’t have much honor right now, Mike.”

“That’s not true. You’ve always been honorable, and you don’t deserve this. You did the right thing. You were brave and risked your own career to take down someone who thought it was OK to play with people’s lives. He had the audacity to tell me that I could have you because he already had. He’s a son of a bitch.”

“That’s Marcus.”

“He doesn’t own you, Connie. He doesn’t own any part of you.”

“I know that.”

“Do you? Whatever happened, and I don’t want to know…” he shook his head. “I'm just gonna say the wrong thing. I need to say the right thing for once.”

“You don’t need to say anything. Its OK, I don’t want to talk.”

“Do you think you'll ever want to talk?” Mike asked. They stopped at another red light. He wanted to keep going but jaywalking here would be like playing Frogger. Mike was beat up enough. He didn’t want to add roadkill to the list of things he felt like at the moment.

“I don’t know.”

“Can we not and say we did?”

That got a real laugh from Connie. She rubbed her hand down his arm, taking hold of his hand as they crossed the street. Mike looked at her and smiled. Cyrus Lupo wasn’t the only one who could make her smile or who had her back.

Having something dumb come back to bite you in the ass was something Mike Cutter was familiar with. He was familiar with it when it came to Connie Rubirosa and other things as well. Many, many other things. Mike took a deep breath.

“I don’t exactly know what you're feeling right now. I wish I did but I don’t. But I need you to know that your past, such as it is, doesn’t change your present and all you’ve done in the DA’s office, or your future. It doesn’t change us.”

“We make a hell of a team.” Connie replied. “Everyone says so. There's a rumor that I keep you in line.”

“Well I love you so that might be easier than it is for most people.” He said.

Connie stopped walking. Mike didn’t notice immediately, as he wasn’t looking at her. But a few steps more and he was pulling her arm so he stopped as well.

“Connie…”

“What did you just say?”

“I said I love you so that might be easier than it is for most people.”

“I'm gonna buy you that Dr. Pepper now.” She started walking again. Connie hoped Mike thought she was shaking because of the wind. She hoped that he didn’t notice at all but he was quite a receptive man.

“You were going to anyway.”

“Nah, I was going to make you pay for it yourself.”

“I didn’t bring my wallet.” Mike said, smiling.

She squeezed his hand as they finally got to the bodega. The lights were on but dim and the door was locked. Mike could only smirk when he looked at the sign on the door. It said **‘New Hours: 6am to midnight’**. He looked at Connie.

“It looks as if it doesn't matter anyway. The store is closed.”

“It matters Mike; it matters more than anything.”

“If you really want some Twizzlers there's a 7-11 about three blocks over. I think the walk might do us some good.”

“One condition.” Connie said.

“Name it.”

“Peterson will be the last case. Then we’ll go home and look at everything with fresh eyes in the morning.”

“Everything?” Mike asked, turning around and walking back to the corner.

“Yeah,” she nodded. “Everything.”

***


End file.
